If you’re a Doctor Who fan, you ought to love this!
I don’t actually hate Doctor Who so you could say my new book is based on an entirely false premise – but it’s a lot of fun and if you’re a fan of the show, I think you’ll enjoy it very much.
It’s a review of the show, starting with its revival in 2005 – from an angle that suggests it’s a load of rubbish that doesn’t work as a narrative. I should make clear that it’s chock-full of spoilers, so if anyone hasn’t seen these shows, you should probably watch them first.
I should also mention that I’m not trying to steal anything from the BBC. This is a review of the show, from a fun angle – that’s all.
Here’s the promotional copy:
“”‘The stories don’t work, you know.’
“”That’s all it took to set me off. Someone I knew – not a friend – an acquaintance had the nerve, the temerity, the-the-the audacity to tell me that the stories told in each episode of my beloved Doctor Who since the show returned to our TV screens in 2005 … don’t stand up to scrutiny.”
“That is how Mike Sivier embarked on a quest to cast a critical eye – and ear – over the world’s longest-running TV science fiction drama, in an attempt to establish the facts.
“The results are contained here… and they may surprise you!”
It’ll be a great read for you, to start the New Year!
The printed version is available for £10, here.
And the eBook is available for a fiver, here.
Shall we have an extract?
“So, they’re going forwards in time – daring each other to go further. Kids. And it’s just a line to make us think it’s a long way into the future.
“Why are they getting jolted about so much? Has the Doc not taken the handbrake off?
““This is the year 5.5/Apple/26.” What? What kind of a weird method of dating is that? Pretentious?
“Oh, and what a bland place to turn up. Looks like a new-style hotel.
““Welcome to the end of the World… This is how your world dies.” Charming. No wonder she’s got a frown on her face. No social skills!
“Oh it is a hotel. And they’re going to be just as dull in the future as today. So there’s no hope for the future after all.
“The place is going to fill up with guests and they’re going to be aliens, says the Doc. In TV circles, this means a bunch of human beings in weird make-up, painted blue or covered in dark robes.
“The great and the good are coming to watch the planet burn – for fun, says the Doc. Then: “What I mean is: the rich.” So this is an episode about rich bastards gloating over destruction. Hateful.
“All right. There’s got to be at least one good idea in a pile of manure: the National Trust owning the Earth is pretty funny!
“A bit of Realpolitik, too: the money has run out so the systems keeping Earth safe will be switched off. So much for heritage; so much for tradition. The people in charge must be Conservatives (which is ironic, considering their title). Is that the writer’s politics coming in?
“It’s pathetic – and bad writing – that this is all told to us and not shown. Other shows would do a flashback sequence! Did this one run out of cash?
““What about the people?” asks Rose. It’s empty. They’ve gone. All left. So she says: “Just me, then,” like she’s suddenly the only survivor of the human race. Presumptuous!
“Here comes an alien and – yes! – it’s blue and humanoid. And officious. Wants to know who they are. It’s a walking SF cliché and it has presumptions about them.
“The magician has a new trick. Psychic paper? Shows people whatever he wants? Another deus ex machina cheat!
“The Doc and Rose’s arrival seems to have signalled the start of the event and staff hop to their positions – and look, they’re all munchkins! Little people, painted a funny colour! I didn’t know the Wonderful World of Oz was exporting its workforce! A bit insensitive of the programme-makers, too.
“Blue boy seems to be announcing the arrivals, like it’s a society ball – and what do we get? Walking trees (based on the Ents from Lord of the Rings?), a blue guy (again) with a big head and sitting on a potty (like the Mekon?), a bunch of goons in dark cloaks, and some Skeksis (from The Dark Crystal)? Is the writer flaunting his influences?
“There’s an exchange of gifts. Is this world-building or time-wasting? Tree-girl gives the Doc a cutting of her grandfather (charming!) and he doesn’t have anything to give back so he offers “air from my lungs” instead – and she starts flirting with him! Ew! Inter-species romance is still bestiality when it’s between mammals, but between mammals and vegetables…!
“More guests: The Face of Boe – and he’s just a big ugly head.
“The Mox of Balhoon (that’s the guy who looks like a blue Mekon) has a silly squeaky voice. I knew it! And the gifts are supposed to be comic relief (“bodily salivas” and he spits on Rose). But there’s no drama to be relieved with comedy – yet.
“The cloaky guys are handing out metal globes so this’ll be plot and you can bet it’s the only reason for the entire sequence. Otherwise, why have it at all? So now this is looking like a murder mystery with lots of potential victims and the destruction of the Earth to destroy the evidence. Are these globe thingies the murder weapons?”
As you can see, I just went through the episodes and, in numbered points, tore them to shreds for the fun of it.
And with the help of this book, I’m willing to bet you would do the same. In fact, I’m willing to bet that you’d find nits to pick that I haven’t.
I’m also willing to bet something else.
I’m willing to bet that knowing the stories don’t make sense won’t make a scrap of difference to your enjoyment of the show.
I still love it. If anything, having exposed some of its faults, I love it all the more.
Let’s see if you feel the same.
I’ll try to record some readings from the book in the future – mainly because it’ll be a bit of fun.
Once again, the printed version is available for £10, here.
And the eBook is available for a fiver, here.
As this is my first piece of writing about Doctor Who, I would appreciate all the feedback I can get. I’d like to make this the first instalment in a series of books, having fun with my favourite show and it seems to me that the best way to do this is to use readers’ suggestions to improve the content.
So please pick up a copy, give it a read, and drop me a comment with your reactions!
Mike Sivier's blog 