The Department of Work and Pensions announce that they are to be re-named the“Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith”. The government have released a statement that although they favoured thestrappado, a variety of other methods of trial by ordeal will be used in addition to replace the Work Capability Assessment. Iain Duncan Smith has called for the introduction of dunking – a form of water ordeal and divination – to determine who is disabled enough to build the HS2.
Conservatives have reassured the appalled public by explaining that really, the old English word “ordǣl,” simply means a “judgement or verdict”, so not to worry, as pretending that a word means something else is a magick formula used for ensuring public compliance and conformity. Lynton Crosby has been announced as the new Pontifex Maximus of such formulae. Previous successes include…
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